The Joke :
Tam visits a psychiatrist. 'You've got to help me,' he says. 'Ah keep hearing ma mither's voice coming frae the attic.
'And what does she say?' asks the psychiatrist.
'She says, 'Dinnae desert me son - dinnae leave me tae die a horrid painful death up here oan ma own,'' says Tam.
After consulting his books the psychiatrist pronounces, 'You have a morbid Oedipus complex, no doubt brought on by a childish love of your mother which was thwarted. This has transposed into voices that appear to be coming from your attic.'
'What can Ah do?' asks Tam.
'You'll need to visit me twice a week,' says the psychiatrist. 'Hopefully after a year or two we can fix the problem.'
Tam explains that he can't afford the fees and sadly takes his leave. About two months later the two men meet in the street.
'Are you still hearing the voices?' asks the psychiatrist.
'Och no,' replies Tam. 'The barman at ma local fixed it.'
'Really,' says the psychiatrist in surprise, 'How did he do that?'
'It was simple,' says Tam. 'He told me to Ah should just stick her in an old folks home.'
[From Why Did the Haggis Cross the Road by Stuart McLean]