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An amazingly funny joke from
our collection of the 100 funniest Scottish Jokes (probably in the whole
Joke Title : The Scottish Character - 2
The Joke :
An American tourist is on a walking holiday in the Cairngorms. It's a wild day, there's a mist on the hills and the rain is coming down like cow piss. After struggling with map and compass for several hours he finally admits to himself that he's lost. Luckily he's spotted by a local who offers to take him to a village where he can dry out and get a bite to eat. As they make there way across hills and along lanes Jock gives the American a guided tour. 'Dae ye see thon wonderful Scots pines?' says Phil, 'I planted every single one o' them by hand. But dae ye think Ah'm called Phil the Forester? Am I Hell.' A little later, they pass a wonderful building that would put the Palace of Versailles to shame. 'See thon castle over there?' says Phil. 'Took me ten years tae build. But dae ye think Ah'm called Phil the Builder? Am I Hell.' Nearing the village, they see the magnificent clock tower that stands in the village centre. 'Dae ye see thon clock?' asks Phil. 'Built every bit o' it masel'. Made every cog on ma wee lathe. But dae ye think I'm called Phil the Clockmaker? Am I hell.' 'But' he continued, 'you hae sex with just one wee pheasant and yer bloody well branded for life.' [From Why Did the Haggis Cross the Road by Stuart McLean]