The Joke :
Ben is staggering back to his farm after a heavy session at the village pub. It's a foul winter's night, the sleet is sweeping across the fields driving a chill deep into Ben's bones. As he stumbles his way across the rickety old bridge he spots something bright floating in the stream. Thinking it's a Barbie doll he scoops it up with the intention of giving it to his grand-daughter. But to Ben's surprise the little creature wriggles in his hands and says in a high-pitched voice, 'Thank you for saving me.'
'For Christ sake,' screeches Ben, 'Ye nearly scared the shit oot o' me.'
'Sorry sir,' says the fairy softly. 'I didn't mean to frighten you. For saving my life I shall grant you two wishes.'
'Is this thon bloody Candid Camera,' says Ben scanning the trees.
'No sir,' says the fairy, 'I am Twinklebum the fairy and I would love to grant you two wishes.'
'Aye okay,' says Ben. 'Ah'll play along wae yer wee game. Gie me a bottle o' everlasting whisky.'
There was a POOF and a BANG. A bottle of whisky appears in Ben's hands.
'That wis a neat trick,' says Ben, taking a huge drink. 'How did you manage that?'
But before the fairy could reply, Ben notices the bottle has filled up again.
'Bloody Hell,' he hollers, 'That's pure brilliant.'
'You have one more wish,' says the fairy sweetly. 'What else can I get you?'
'What else?' replies Ben, 'Ah'll hae another wan o' these please.'
[From Why Did the Haggis Cross the Road by Stuart McLean]