From Why Did the Haggis Cross the Road?
by Stuart McLean
Loch Ness Monster Jokes
Nessie is lying at the bottom of the loch moaning to his wife.
“Ma bloody stomach is aching,” he grumbles.
“Och it serves you right, for eating them American tourists,” replies Mrs Ness, “You know they’re far too rich for you.”
What’s big and white and chills out at the bottom of Loch Ness?
The Loch Ness Refrigerator.
A lady goes into a bar with Nessie on a leash.
The bartender looks over and says, ''Hey, you cannae bring that ugly fat pig in here.''
''Excuse me,” said the lady indignantly, “but if you’d put your glasses on you’d see that this is the Loch Ness Monster.''
''Ah wisnae takin’ tae you,” says the barman, “Ah wis takin’ tae the monster.''